A friend of mine posted something that got me thinking. She said “be to your children, what you needed as a child. “.
I had to ask myself, what did I need that I didn’t get? The only thing I could think of was approval. I’m sure my parents approved of me, but what I did was never enough. If I got a b+, my father would say ” why didn’t you get an A”. This followed me into adulthood. The critic became my inner dialog and I was often felt not good enough.
Parenthood is a deep mirror. My parents bought us way too many gifts as children because… They were giving us what they didn’t get as children. So what’s the answer? Well we need to heal ourselves AND stop the patterns. We need to really pay attention to what & why we are doing what what we are doing when we are raising our children.
If your like me and have felt not good enough, then breaking the inner dialog needs to happen. Catching yourself in mid thought can be a long healing process but it’s possible! You could leave love notes for yourself all over your home, car and workplace! Appreciation of yourself can change your body chemistry and actually your health! So compliment yourself more! When you catch yourself being your own worse critic, cancel that thought and find compassion for yourself. Loving yourself can be a interesting process but it can change your life!
Pre-approve your children
You can also start right away by constantly reminding your children that they are pre- approved. That you love them the same no matter what they do. That it’s not about how they play the game, it’s that they played! When something doesn’t go as planned, you can remind them ( and yourself) it’s really not the end of the world. Thorough unconditional love can move mountains in how in how the next generation live their lives.